You know how there is always that one place where thoughts are so free flowing it’s like a power zone for thinking? Mine has always been in water. Showers, pools, bathtub (although I tend to prefer the flowing water of the shower), by a lake or at the beach…all very conducive to great thoughts. If I could have a waterproof pen and paper or some sort of waterproof voice recorder – or better yet, something that transcribed my thoughts directly to a computer – I’d be able to keep track of the chaos in my head.
Today I spent some time with a not so waterproof pen and paper trying to pull together some thoughts that I’ve been having lately. I have a few projects I’m working on and my own personal version of ADD means that I can’t seem to focus long enough to get any of them done. Coupled with the fact that I suffer from paralysis from analysis (thank you, super smart husband for giving me that little tidbit of genius) and it’s a wonder I ever get anything done. Every time I think of the things I should be doing instead of what I actually am doing, I get distracted and frustrated and in the end I get nothing done instead of the 20 things I’d been worrying about. My husband always jokes that in college he majored in “Intro to…” Sometimes I feel like my interests are so varied that I have a similar story. There are so many things I want (or need) to do.
So many times I hear people talk about what it takes to make your dreams come true. Tenacity – if you want it badly enough, you will find a way to get it done. Network – you have to surround yourself with people who are successful in your field. Never give up! Which is great. Every time I find a brick wall, I start looking for a way around it. But how do you know you are chasing the right dream? If your interests are as varied as mine, how do you know? What if I spend all of my time pursuing something that isn’t where my talents lie or doesn’t bring me happiness? I’ve always said that I can do anything for two years. Two years is my standard investment, I guess. Well, what if after two years I realize that I’m not following the right path?
My parents always said, “You are exactly where you are supposed to be.” Which is comforting; lending an air of confidence to a highly self-doubting endeavor. I can’t make the wrong choice if it always leads me to where I’m supposed to be. But what if…???? I suppose I need to remember that failure is always an option and it just means that I’m still learning and as long as I’m learning I’m alive. That’s a good enough path, right?